They say when a man gets to a certain age, he can no longer afford to be fussy when it comes to dating women. It could be my last day on this planet and I’ll still be finding fault in any woman showing an interest in me.Underwear, finger nails, feet – the little toe in particular – the kind of coffee she drinks, whether she pulls any faces when she’s texting, how she pronounces “guacamole”, skin tags, warts, a mole’s potential to become something more serious, I’ll analyse everything. One thing I’m absolutely sure about straight away is that even if they were loaded, I wouldn’t date a woman with a dog.I am currently embarking on a series of test dates to compare digital vs real world dating approaches. Although you do have to participate in some sofa swiping at some point. Walking down the street, at a café, at work, at a party…”The adverts usually show some unfortunate fool getting all doe eyed over a random hottie that’s walked past and not turned around for a second glance. The pervier among us might, but I know for a stone cold and semi hard fact that your eyes will not be at head height.Because it’s 2017, Spring has us all randy like March hares and we will never get enough of reading potential cringe material. In the name of research I have downloaded Happn and let it tick along in the background as I roam around North London with my eyes firmly fixed to the ground. The old romantic in me got spirited away with the idea that if I crossed paths with the same person more than once, (on every profile you can see the exact number of times you were ships in the night) then it was fate and this app was a mere tool in the grand tapestry of our universally bound love story.It’s basically the opposite, when you want to get involved with someone but you’re a frustrating level of shy and end up just liking their Instagram photos, commenting on the odd Facebook status or sending the vaguest of emojis that could be misconstrued as flirty but they’ll never really know. Which makes me think of reverb channels and echo samples and getting stuck inside a never ending feedback loop of my own name and white noise. For that is where all the dogs / lack of social awkwardness resides. I even start to drag my eyes off the pavement and give some poor unsuspecting sod some actual eye contact for a tenth of a real time second. One particularly lucky fella happened to graze past this hot bag of mess a grand total of seven times. For the uninitiated, Happn is a dating app that’s basically Tinder for people who get out rather than enjoy swiping from the sofa.
I’ve started employing this in real life and it’s gone down very well.
There’s this romantic picture painted of people walking their dogs.
Man spends time with their best friend, at the start of a long day that offers new possibilities, or de-stresses at the end of a long day by taking a long walk with their dog.
Not if you enlist the help of that four-legged canine cupid bouncing around your feet.
That’s right: your dog, in addition to being your very best friend, may also be your best asset on the “ruff” and rocky road to romance.